Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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