and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
