Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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