So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
