Michael Bay diarrhea
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Mom said you looked used
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
