I bet he comes in French.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
