I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
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