I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
