Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dicks are not precious.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
