Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
