Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
