There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
