i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
