wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
