Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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