One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize