he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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