I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
