Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
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duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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