I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
MIDGETS
????
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
