I'm gonna have a badass scar
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
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This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
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And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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