saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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