i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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