Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
