my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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