I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
