He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
