Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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