Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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