I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
