Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
