break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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