this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
