that's an acceptable place to lick
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I want a musical about memes.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
