you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
