so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
