I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize