go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Randomize
