I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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