First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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