At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
