Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
