I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
