i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
