rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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