pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
