Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
