Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Randomize