he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
