I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
