I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
