I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
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Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
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We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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