recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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