I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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