drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
