So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
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The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
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She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.