i would punch a child for taco bell
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name