You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.