i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
