Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
