Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
