we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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