oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
