I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
