Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
