Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
