We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
