I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
